So here it is, 2006. Months closer to the time my little brother leaves instead of years. He has joined the army, special forces or so he told me, and he graduates this year from college. After that, they will take him. It all seems so surreal right now. I don't want to even think about it, but I know I must prepare myself for when the time comes. I'm proud of him. Scared, yes, but so proud. He's doing what he feels is right, what he feels his duty is. My mother can't really talk about it, my father hasn't accepted it yet, but I can tell that it is hitting them both pretty hard. I try so hard to be there for them, to understand why they are upset, and to remain their anchor when they need me to. I also try to put on a happy face for my brother, knowing that he doesn't want us to be sad. Knowing that he needs us to be strong so that he can be strong. Yet, while putting on so many different emotions and faces for those around me, inside, my heart is breaking. I love my brother. We are ten months apart you know. Born in the same year. But he will always be my little brother to me, no matter how big or how old we both get. I just don't want him hurt. God help us all through this.
Besides trying to deal with that however, I have decided to quit my job and go back to school. Yea..me. I know now that it was a mistake to drop out. But...then again..I had my reasons. And, perhaps it is what I needed to do at the time. I have certainly learned how to appreciate things more. I can't help but to wonder if I am meant for other things though. I know there has got to be meaning out there for me. Something that will make me proud, make my family proud. Something that will make a difference. One day it will all come to me, won't it?
Life seems as though it is just flying by these days, and I'm left as a bystander while everyone else hitches a ride. I don't want to do that for the rest of my years here, but when will I learn to let the past go and step forward? I know one thing though....growing up sucks....
