Hoping

So....I went to my interview. It wasn't bad. I still have high hopes that I will get the job. Its different than the last position I worked for however. If I get this..ill do nothing but the technical part of the vet clinic. Giving meds, x-rays, anesthesia...and all that good stuff. It will definately be a learning experience. AND...they have health insurance that they give to their employees. What a relief there. Just gotta keep my fingers crossed. God, i need this job.

Nerves of Steel?

So...it is the day before my interview. And I have done nothing...absolutely nothing. My sanity is riding on me getting this job and it paying decent...but damn it, i refuse to worry about it. What in hell would that help? Who am I kidding? Im so nervous that i've got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. ugh! I still havent quit my flight attendant job. But there is no way im going back to that. No way. I refuse to be treated like im dirt. Besides...I was working for minimum wage! And i know they tell you that you get to see the world when you work for the airlines. But let me tell you...the most I ever saw was the inside of the damned airports. No..no..im being unfair...I got to look out the window of the airplane when I got the chance. ;) 
Alright..enough complaining..ive got to go prepare for my interview. Now what that entails...I have no idea....does doing my nails count?

Time flies

So here it is, 2006. Months closer to the time my little brother leaves instead of years. He has joined the army, special forces or so he told me, and he graduates this year from college. After that, they will take him. It all seems so surreal right now. I don't want to even think about it, but I know I must prepare myself for when the time comes. I'm proud of him. Scared, yes, but so proud. He's doing what he feels is right, what he feels his duty is. My mother can't really talk about it, my father hasn't accepted it yet, but I can tell that it is hitting them both pretty hard. I try so hard to be there for them, to understand why they are upset, and to remain their anchor when they need me to. I also try to put on a happy face for my brother, knowing that he doesn't want us to be sad. Knowing that he needs us to be strong so that he can be strong. Yet, while putting on so many different emotions and faces for those around me, inside, my heart is breaking. I love my brother. We are ten months apart you know. Born in the same year. But he will always be my little brother to me, no matter how big or how old we both get. I just don't want him hurt. God help us all through this.
Besides trying to deal with that however, I have decided to quit my job and go back to school. Yea..me. I know now that it was a mistake to drop out. But...then again..I had my reasons. And, perhaps it is what I needed to do at the time. I have certainly learned how to appreciate things more. I can't help but to wonder if I am meant for other things though. I know there has got to be meaning out there for me. Something that will make me proud, make my family proud. Something that will make a difference. One day it will all come to me, won't it? 
Life seems as though it is just flying by these days, and I'm left as a bystander while everyone else hitches a ride. I don't want to do that for the rest of my years here, but when will I learn to let the past go and step forward? I know one thing though....growing up sucks....